So Pair… My girlfriend and I have been using you for a couple of weeks. You’re cute. You’re fun. You got 50,000 users in your first four days. I think it’s time we went steady.

But still, you could be so much more. I love the drawing application, the video feature (for once, my girlfriend agrees, 15 seconds is enough), and that we can share photos privately. The shared to-do list is decent, too. But so far there isn’t a compelling reason to keep coming back. And the “Thinking of you” button — well, as much as I’ve tried to convince my girlfriend that sending an automated message accurately captures and communicates a beautiful moment in my intensely romantic mind, somehow it just isn’t doing it for us. It’s as pointless as a poke.

I know you’re very young, Pair, but as you grow I’d like to see you become a sophisticated third party in my relationship. Not only should you be there to help remind my girlfriend that, while I’m on the other side of the country, she should be thinking ONLY OF ME (and to take out the recycling), but you should also help us organize our lives, coordinate our movements, and simplify our communications.

For a start, you could embed a shared calendar in the application. Let us come to you to find out who’s got a birthday coming up and to let each other know when exactly the in-laws are arriving. Make it easier for us to keep track of our appointments.

We travel a lot, so I’d love it if you could include a couple’s version of TripIt – perhaps that’s something you’ll have to talk to them about – so I can always know the exact time my girlfriend arrives in San Francisco, and in which crappy airline’s hands she’ll be placing her life.

While we’re on this mission of mass centralization, it’d be awesome to use you as an entry point to our joint bank account. I don’t see why we need to use all these different apps for our relationship-management tasks. Banking should be a prime target. Maybe you can get together with the people at Simple to think about new ways of allowing couples to manage their finances.

Of course, like any self-respecting relationship, sharing music and YouTube videos is central to our very core. Let us share songs with each other via Spotify or Rdio, and allow us to trade YouTube links and watch video within your app. Then we can use the comments feature to discuss it all.

Speaking of comments, it’d be nice if we could delete them when necessary. Sometimes we write things that we immediately regret (“Yeah, those pants do kind of make you look fat”), or that we don’t want history to record (“You know what? When you’re drunkm Burger King is amazing…”). Same goes for pictures, photos, and videos (“This is me on the toilet…”). We all make mistakes, Pair. Give us the opportunity to strike them from the record books.

On the flip side, we share a lot of photos and videos through you that we’d like to take with us into the outside world. So far there’s no easy way to do that, so I hope you’re planning to let us export (and, for that matter, import) our photos, pictures, and videos. Because there are millions of people on Facebook who need to see that photo we just took of our cat looking out the window.

More controversially, and perhaps eternally problematic (so please, people, forgive me if this suggestion actually materializes and rains havoc on your lives), maybe – maybe – it would be good to let couples opt in to location sharing on a case-by-case basis. My girlfriend doesn’t want me to know where she is all the time – otherwise I’d always know when she’s gone out to buy me another awesome Porsche 911. (Seriously, baby, you’ve got to stop). But it might be nice sometimes to turn on a location feature so I can see when she’s still at the mall, or still at that event, or whether she’s on her way to the house of that other dude who’s totally just a friend. You know, just for peace of mind.

And finally, Pair, if for some reason it doesn’t work out with my girlfriend, if we ever have to face that awful moment when the relationship can no longer sustain itself and we must confront that dreaded “Unpair” button? I want puppies. Crying puppies. And a phone number to dial for counselling.