GoMail is totally life-changing. It is the best solution for email I have ever come across. It makes email less stressful, more manageable, and more useful. More importantly, though, it will put an end to MG Siegler’s anti-email rants.

GoMail solves inbox overload by automatically sorting crap email from important email. What I love about it is that it intelligently determines which emails I care about most and puts them into a “fast lane,” so I can see those first. That sounds a lot like Gmail’s Priority Inbox, but this is better. Instead of just dumping all my other emails in a pile below those important ones, it sorts them into separate “rooms”.

All my notifications from Facebook, Twitter, Foursquare, Quora, Instagram, and Google+ go into a room called “social.” From that room, I can also send status updates, Tweets, comments, photos, and check-in locations to those various networks. In that sense, it’s a lot like FriendFeed, except it lives in my email.

In the room next to that, I have all my work emails. All mail that gets sent to my PandoDaily account goes here, unless I choose to promote a particular sender to the fast lane. And in the next room over, I have my “connections” platform, where I can handle all my introductions and meetings by using profile-box templates. These templates provide a low-fuss way of managing introductions. So I have all my relevant information – headshot, brief blurb, links to my online presences – in these profile boxes, which I can customize for professional or personal purposes.

The introduction templates then allow me to connect my contacts with each other simply by tapping on their relevant profile boxes from my “contacts” room and filling in the spaces available for their names: “Hi Sarah, Hamish would like you to meet Paul.” Three words, a couple of taps. Intro done. No more copying and pasting backgrounders. No more “I’m shifting Hamish to bcc.” No more awkward “Hi Hamish, thanks for the intro! And hi, Paul!” bullshit.

Each profile box also comes with two buttons: one that says “request contact details” and one that says “schedule a meeting.” If someone requests your contact details, you can reply using another auto-generated template, which allows you to determine which contact details you share by tapping separate buttons. When a contact taps “schedule a meeting,” a calendar (not unlike Boomerang) pops up and allows him to select suitable dates, times, and places. That then gets sent to me, and I can pick what works best. No more series of emails back and forward struggling to settle on a time and place.

There’s a room for “Offers,” too. That’s a focused space for receiving and interacting with all my newsletters, Groupons, travel alerts, and advertisements for those amazing penis enlargement pills. In this room, I can sign up for daily deals, accept discount offers, and search for discount flights without having to leave GoMail. Convenience, you are my mistress.

And finally, I have my “Admin” room. That’s where all my bills go, along with my tickets, event information, confirmations, and whatever else doesn’t fit neatly into those other rooms.

These rooms are organized by tabs displayed at the top of the page. I can change the order of them or add and delete them to best suit my needs. (Actually, I’m tempted to nix that “Work” room right now.) On a sidebar, accessible by a swipe in the mobile version or fixed on the left in the desktop version, I can open a chat application, see what’s in my spam box, and access my contacts room, which is populated by image links that call up profile boxes. I can search my contacts by keywords, so I don’t always have to remember exact names or workplaces (much like Mon.ki allows).

The beauty of GoMail is that it effortlessly compartmentalizes email. Whether it be admin, intros, work, or social, I get a nice tailored email experience that makes sense for each specific task. Using “if this, then that” logic, the system recognizes which incoming messages should be diverted to which rooms. But best of all, it reduces my stress level, because instead of having a mountain of unread mail in one space with a scary “2,734 unread” message glaring down at me, I instead have six different badges that tell me how many unread emails are in each room. It’s probably just a psychological wrinkle, but these smaller numbers make the task of taking action seem so much more doable. Oh! And now every email comes with a “Reply later” button, which allows me to put non-urgent emails into a queue.

What I like about this compartmentalized approach is that it breaks down one big, unwieldy task into a series of smaller, eminently more achievable tasks. That’s the same way I approach writing. If I have a long story to write, I don’t sit there staring at a page thinking, “Man, I’ve got 3,000 words to write.” I instead think of it as a series of paragraphs linked by key ideas. I’m often intimidated by a 3,000-worder, but paragraphs don’t faze me.

A lot of people complain about email, and a lot of companies are trying to solve the problems. To name just a few, there’s SaneBox, Sparrow, ShortMail, and OtherInbox. They’re all good programs, but each still thinks of folders instead of rooms, and none addresses the problem with GoMail’s simplicity and flexibility. We don’t need add-on technologies to fix independent problems with email. We need a total email replacement. GoMail is that replacement.

The major problem with email today is that all the shit flows into the same bucket. Even with Gmail’s Priority Inbox, my work emails sit alongside emails from my girlfriend, which sit alongside my social notifications, bills, and some newsletter I forgot I even signed up for.

GoMail fixes all that. It makes life better. It solves all my email problems. It is, in short, The Answer.

But there’s just one problem. GoMail doesn’t exist. It is, alas, a figment of my imagination. So, please, someone: Steal this idea and make it happen.