thebirdsUnless I’m writing satire, I try to avoid making definitive proclamations, but social media entitlement has reached such ridiculous levels that it’s time we called a spade a spade and declare the entire world of social media, and so called influencers, as little more than a giant douchebag scam.

Platforms that began as a way for regular people to write honest reviews and interact with companies have been twisted into tools for extortion. Every day I see self-important social media wankers screw up and blame brands and companies for their mistakes. News tip, being big on Twitter does not entitle you to deride a business, because they didn’t bow down to your social media greatness and give you the free VIP upgrade. And if you think it does, you’re a colossal piece of shit.

This morning I read about some jackass who is selling restaurant reviewer cards so social media assholes can formally scare restaurant owners into rolling out the red carpet and giving them freebies under the implied threat that they’ll be lambasted on the Internet if they don’t. If these smankers are only getting good service, because they’re scaring restaurant owners with their reviewer card, doesn’t that invalidate any review they write since regular patrons wouldn’t get the same VIP treatment? Of course it does, but that doesn’t matter as long as the entitled social media jackoff gets their free dinner.

Instead of being a movement for empowering people who previously had no voice, social media has turned into a platform for bullies and tyrants where people feel entitled to publicly complain about everything, and even accuse businesses and brands of unfounded transgressions, just so they can get free upgrades and royal treatment. These scumbags claim they’re fighting for fairness and speaking out in the name of good customer service, when in reality they’re just using their blogs and Twitter followings to demand undeserved special treatment and abuse companies and people who don’t cater to their whims.

For example, I recently watched someone with a significant Twitter following go off on a car dealership because they wouldn’t let her full-sized dog in the waiting room. For three hours she accused the dealership, and the car maker as a whole, of all types of horrible offenses for the indignities she had to suffer waiting outside.

Why the fuck would she bring a full sized dog to a car dealership and assume it’s okay? Not everybody loves dogs. Apparently, she has service animal papers that she forgot to bring so she started accusing the dealership of not welcoming the disabled. I’ve known this person for several years and she is neither blind, deaf, nor has any visible disabilities that would require a dog. So why is it the dealership’s fault that she forgot her papers?

It was like someone blaming the cops for arresting them because they forgot their medical marijuana card at home. How would that be the cop’s fault? Of course, none of those facts matter because she has the power of social media on her side and can damage their brand despite the fact that it was her mistake.

Enough is enough with this bullshit. If you’re using social media to bully companies and brands to get VIP treatment or to blame them for your personal fuck ups, at least be honest about it.

You are an arrogant, entitled scumbag. Stop claiming you’re a voice for the downtrodden, fighting in the name of fairness. You’re an asshole, plain and simple. And people like you have turned the entire world of social media into a giant scam.

[Graphic by Hallie Bateman]