nun_computerApple’s got a porn problem. Xbox? Huge porn problem. Facebook, Instagram, and Pinterest? Just three giant porn problems, basically. And with a name like Wii, you know it’s got a porn problem. And the biggest porn problem of all? Tumblr, of course. But now that’s somebody else’s problem.

Jared Keller collected these panicky links in a January 2013 Business Week story about Vine’s “porn problem.” In summary, Keller writes, “Life finds a way, and porn finds the Internet.” And indeed porn is truly “platform-agnostic,” having penetrated (sorry) all corners of the Web, though some sites do more to fight it than others. High estimates put the percentage of Web activity devoted to porn as high as 30 percent. Of course that figure comes from the erotic giant YouPorn, which has an incentive to pump up the numbers. A more conservative estimate comes from neuroscientist and porn statistician Ogi Ogas who told Forbes that 4 percent of the million most trafficked sites on the Web were sex-related, while 13 percent of searches were for erotic content. Either way, that’s a lot of ass.

But what about different US cities? Do religious strongholds like Birmingham, Alabama watch less porn than, say, the godforsaken vistas of San Francisco and Boston? The answer, according to user data provided by the obviously NSFW Pornhub is, not really.

Pornhub, the third largest porn site in the world, took five of the 10 least religious metro areas and five of the 10 most religious metro areas (as calculated by the Gallup-Healthways Well-Being Index) and found that how religious your community is has little impact on how much porn you watch. For example, the average number of videos watched per year by the residents of the most religious cities ranged from 5.7 for Provo, UT to 23.8 for Huntsville, AL. Meanwhile, the least religious cities ranged from 4.5 videos in Boston, MA to 40.1 for Burlington, VT.

Sure, atheist Burlington has a far more voracious appetite for porn than the teetotaling hardliners in Provo. But the correlation is inconsistent throughout the rest of the cities. For example, Boston and San Francisco residents both watch far less porn than Huntsville and Montgomery. Or think of it this way: While a map of the most religious cities would show strong clusters of religious observance in the Southeastern US, a porn map would look more like a Jackson Pollock painting.

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Pornhub also measured a number of other porn-watching metrics, like time-on-site and videos-watched-per-sitting, finding a few subtle differences. Residents of more churchgoing cities’ spent about 47 seconds longer per visit than their non-religious counterparts. Not a huge difference, but one PornHub’s Vice President of Pornhub Corey Price calls “surprising.” That said, the habits of a pious porn enthusiast aren’t so different from the habits of a god-denying one.

The biggest differences between the two grew directly out of religious observances or beliefs. For example, the very religious folks were far less likely to indulge on Christmas, which makes sense (or maybe it’s just harder to sneak away from loved ones on holidays). Preferred genres of porn also came out in the study, with “Gay” being the most common category among non-religious cities and “Teen” being the most common category for the very religious cities. And while “Gay” did not crack the top 5 among the “holy” cities (perhaps not surprising considering fundamentalist attitudes toward homosexuality), “Lesbian” ranked number 5. (Apologies in advance for publishing the word “Squirt” on PandoDaily).

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By making its data public, Pornhub is doing what OkCupid used to do with its blog, OK Trends, sifting through its turgid user base to make broader assumptions about human behavior. For example, earlier this year, Pornhub released data on the most porn-loving states, placing DC residents as the biggest porn-hounds in the country. “We are a data oriented company,” Price says. “We are constantly finding interesting trends in our viewership to better our products.”

So what does Price think of the Internet’s “porn problem?”

Porn has always been a huge part of the Internet. We wouldn’t say there hasn’t been a drastic shift in attitudes, but there is some movement towards wider acceptance. The growing number of people using social media to share and discuss adult content seems to show that, to some degree, porn is becoming something that can be talked about.

Sounds like your favorite tentacle erotica Tumblr is here to stay.

[Image courtesy Uncyclopedia Commons]