Screen Shot 2014-07-31 at 1.02.35 PMValleywag, Gawker’s blog about Silicon Valley (but written from New York), is famous for two things.

The first is driving easy pageviews by mocking the delusional, buzzword-laden bullshit that spews readily from a certain type of Valley entrepreneur.

The second is grotesque hypocrisy: I’ve written before about how Gawker’s staffers attack the wealthy elites of Silicon Valley, despite the fact that their boss is a hugely wealthy tech mogul who based the company off-shore to avoid tax, is being sued for not paying his interns, and made his first fortune organizing events for other rich tech folks.

As such, the video posted today of Gawker’s latest all-hands meeting sums up Gawker perfectly. It’s chock full of exactly the same kind of meaningless Nathan Barley horsecrap that Gawker’s bloggers would howl about if it was puked from the mouth of someone who didn’t pay their wages.

The hypocritical bullshit bingo begins two seconds into the video, as editorial director Joel Johnson explains that Gawker (or “Kinja” as the whole company is now apparently called, referring to the publishing and comment platform that underpins all of Gawker’s sites) has a new mission statement.

Here’s Johnson, verbatim…

The mission statement is “Kinja is a platform — or the platform — for discovery personalised target content and collaboration. Or really, a collaborative media platform.”

Or really, what the fuck are you talking about?

The phrase “discovery personalized target content and collaboration” is hilarious to anyone’s ears, let alone a room full of professional writers. But listen carefully to the Gawker staff sitting in the audience. Do you hear a single laugh? A snort? A snarky rejoinder? No, the only sound your hear is the silence of a rapt crowd, hanging on Johnson’s every mouth-turd. Even when he admits…

“Today that doesn’t really affect your jobs at all… it doesn’t really affect you guys on a day to day basis except for just random shit around ‘hey you need to comment more, you need to interact with people more.”

Silence.

And, by the way, all of that is from the first 45 seconds of a nearly 25 minute video. Grab a bucket and watch the rest.