joker

Further proof, if it were needed, that tech startups are the new celebrities: The growing line of stalkers, pranksters and other assorted crazy people trying to get themselves attached to high profile technology lawsuits.

A couple of weeks back, Pando reported that a conspiracy nut and/or hoaxer had used the name of a real attorney to file a false motion to remove Judge Lucy Koh from the Techtopus Silicon Valley wage-fixing case. The grounds? That Koh is an agent acting for (or at least funded by) President Obama.

Yesterday, I followed up with the even weirder twist that some of America’s most infamous murderers — including Colorado shooter James Homes, boyfriend killer Jodi Ann Arias and Oklahoma bombing accomplice Terry Lynn Nichols — had been included on a motion to intervene in that same case, apparently by Pennsylvania prison inmate Christopher Donnelly who has previously tried to sue celebrities for allegedly forcing him into prostitution.

Then there’s the Jehovah’s Witness who is attempting to sue Google for $10bn for denying her religious freedom on a smartphone, whatever that might mean.

And now it seems like the ongoing Aereo legal battle has finally been picked up by Handwritten Motion Filers Monthly.

In the same week that Aereo failed in its attempt to get an emergency ruling allowing it to operate as a cable company, a magistrate judge in Florida has tossed out a separate suit, filed by a New York nurse, Lisa Roy, who is seeking a jury trial, and unspecified damages from Aereo.

The reason for the dismissal? The judge literally couldn’t tell what the fuck Roy was talking about, ruling that the complaint (embedded below) “contains no cognizable claim, or even an intelligible sentence.”

What the complaint did apparently include, though, is mortgage statement, something about nursing, what could possibly be a treasure map — and page after page of handwritten scrawl.

This is why you should never ask a doctor to write up your legal motions.