Pando

Go, Bro. Go!

A Thanksgiving story.

By Sarah Lacy , written on November 26, 2015

From The "You know, for kids" Desk

 

White and male bros.

 

“Yo!”

 

“Yo!”

 

“Do you like my popped collar?”

 

“I do not.”

 

“Later.”

 

“Later.”

 * * * *

“One little bro raising money.”

 

“Three big bros getting hired.”

 

A white bro on a magazine cover.

 

A white bro at a tech conference.

 

A white bro at Davos.

 

Some big bros and some little bros going around in cars.

 

A bro buying another car.

 

Two big bros going up.

 

One little bro says something stupid, goes down.
 

The white bro’s valuation is up.

 

The other white bro’s valuation is up higher.

 

The white bro VC is in; the other white bro VC is out.

One bro on the roof deck of his new house.

 

Three bros partying in the water.

 

A white bro is ballin’ in an Uber helicopter over the tree.

 

Another white bro is ballin’ in an Uber black car under the tree.

 

Two bros in a yacht on New Year’s Eve in the the water.

 

A bro in the club.

 

A bro outside the club.

 

“Yo again!”

 

“Yo!”

 

“Do you like my popped collar?”

 

“I do not like it.”

 

“Later, again.”

 


“Later.”

 

The bros are all dating around and around and around.

 

“Call me Boober!”

 

The glare is up. The glare is hot. The press glare is all over the bro.

 

“It is hot up here with this press glare.”

 

“It is not hot down here in the boardroom.”

 

Now it is night.

Three bros at a party on a boat at night.

 

Bros at work. Work, bros, work!

 

Bros at play. Play, bros, play!

 

“Yo, again.”

 

“Yo.”

 

“Do you like my popped collar?”

 

“I do not like that popped collar.”

 

“Later, again.”

 

“Later.”

 

Bros in cars again. Expensive cars. Really, really expensive cars.

 

Look at those bros go. Go, bros, go!

 

Stop, bros, stop! You’ve just threatened a journalist!

 

“Go, bros, go!”

 

The news cycle has moved on.

 

Two bros with high valuations. Two bros on top.

 

Trade down, bros! You can’t be worth that much! Trade down!

 

Now it is night.

 

Night is not a time for play. It is a time for ballin’.

 

The bros will be ballers. They will be ballers all night.

 

Now it is day! The sun is up!

 

Now it is time for all bros to start crushing it!

 

Get up! It is day!

 

Time to get bro’ing! Go, bro, go!

 

There they go! Look at those bros go!

Why are they going so fast in those cars?

 

What are those bros going to do?

 

Where are those bros going?

 

Look where those bros are going.

 

They are all going to that IPO over there.

 

Now the cars stop. Now all the bros get out.

 

And now look where the bros are going. To the NASDAQ! To the NYSE!

 

On the roadshow! On CNBC!

 

Why? Will they get a first day pop? Will they become bro-billionaires? What price will they start trading at?

 

It’s a bro party! A big bro party!

 

Big bros, little bros, white bros, white bros, white bros, white bros, white bros, and white bros are all at the bro party! What a bro party!

 

“Yo again.”

 

“Yo.”

 

“And now do you like my popped collar?”

 

“I do! What a collar! I like it! I like that party collar!”

 

“Later.”

 

“Later.”

[Illustrations by Brad Jonas for Pando. Story hat tip, and apologies, to P.D. Eastman]