As sinister dealers in mass death, the CIA could at least spare us its snarky tweets

By Ted Rall , written on June 7, 2014

From The News Desk

Intelligence analysts at the CIA's Open Source Center have been sifting through 5 million tweets a day since at least 2011. So it was inevitable that the agency would want to join Twitter itself.

The spooks' first tweet, issued yesterday, on the 70th anniversary of D-Day (I can neither confirm nor deny that the timing means anything), made news for its self-aware sense of humor:


The Pentagon's Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA), replied to the CIA with a joke of its own:


The link goes to DARPA's Vanishing Progammable Resources program (VAPR) page. VAPR "seeks electronic systems capable of physically disappearing in a controlled, triggerable manner."

News media was highly amused.

A little context: the CIA kills people. DARPA makes things that kill people.

Most people killed by U.S. drones die at the hands of CIA employees. We're talking about thousands of people. Most victims are innocent civilians.

Torture at Guantánamo concentration camp was (and is) run by CIA agents. (After 9/11, the FBI was so appalled that pulled its agents out after witnessing CIA-run waterboarding.)

"Extraordinary rendition" — kidnapping innocent men and delivering them to Third World shitholes to be tortured and murdered — was (and is) a CIA program.

The CIA is not — and should not try to be — funny or cute or cool. The CIA is an unbelievably sinister law unto itself, a highly effective tool of mass terror whose mission is to reinforce the economic and military domination of the United States over the planet; domestically, it exists to eradicate anyone or anything that threatens the relentlessly accruing wealth and power of corporate and political elites.

The CIA is the KGB. The CIA is the SD. The CIA is the ISI.

As evil as the Nazis were, at least their messaging was consistent with their actions. The SS weren't nice guys; lest anyone be confused about that, they wore skulls and crossbones on their uniforms. Had Germany won the war, you wouldn't turn to @Gestapo for droll quips. Hitler didn't make Holocaust jokes; Mao didn't turn meta on the Cultural Revolution at the Forbidden City Correspondents Dinner.

The CIA's Twitter entrée follows President Obama's squirm-inducing one-liners about Predator drones.

We live under an out-of-control dystopian police state that tracks our every movement, uses killer robot planes to slaughter countless innocents, and reserves the right to assassinate anyone, even an American citizen on American soil, without so much as a warrant from a small-town judge. While badass uniforms, Cathedrals of Light and cool banners are too much to ask of America's ruling madmen, the least they can do is act serious.